he does things alone in hopes that someone will come unexpectedly in to see him. he sits at the top of the stairs and counts his change. he sings to jesus christ superstar while dancing around his house. he rocks out to the music and plays air guitar standing in the mirror. he wants to get recognized for his humor and taste and ideas. reaching for straws he writes to a small book company with some ideas. the answer comes back a big no. so he takes to writing his own stuff on his on paper and lets everyone know that he’s done so. “maybe someone will stumble on to his page and enjoy what they read and like my ideas.” he thinks. he watches specials on jim carry, bruce willis, and andy kaufman then thinks about how it took them until they were in their early twentys to get recognized. but he’s twenty now. he watches mtv, knowing that he’s not supposed to enjoy it, but is enthralled in the whole pop-culture scene. looks at carson daily and knows that his being an on-air personality is a fluke. but how can he find such a fluke for himself. maybe he’ll pick up guitar. maybe he’ll learn the intricacies of the photograph. maybe he’ll take on a huge project that he’s built up in his head as the greatest idea ever to happen in the last twenty years. or maybe he’ll eek his way through life, making big impacts on all his friends but never gaining the recognition he deserves.

adam.

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Archived source: Wayback Machine capture