tonight i think i am going to just sit and type. if anything poignant comes out then good. if not then fine. but for now typing is my form of therapy. as i continued my conversation with amy i realized why i am down today. i am lonely. it just hit me. last week i was happy. i spent wednesday with steph. thursday i spent alone. just how i wanted. i saw unbreakable, in which bruce willis plays an unknowingly super hero. good take on the super powers plot. friday i drove around and got a girl to say yes to me. friday i went to see a good man play guitar for me. and the girl who said yes? well she stood me up. but that was expected. sunday was work. nothing more. i came home and did nothing. just watched the simpsons. good show. today i was lonely. even though the reading of the last few days seems sad, it wasn’t. not until monday came around. i had the day free from work. i woke up, after sleeping in, a much needed sleep in. and played with this thing. then went into see what the tv had to offer and found nothing. i should have read. music soothed some. and now elvis costello is helping. next will be neil diamond, he sang it best:

[COPYRIGHTED LYRICS OMITTED — “I Think It’s Going to Rain Today” by Randy Newman; Neil Diamond recording — manual review required]

i don’t know if he wrote that or just sang it best. i’ve heard joe cockers version, but it’s not as good. the first time i heard that song was on ‘the wonder years’. that’s the way my life was supposed to be. only a few years later. kevin was the same age as my parents. he graduated high school in ’74. six years later i was born. i had no wendy. no paul. i have friends now. but the ones that were supposed to be there from the get go have never existed. i’m ok with that. because i can look at russ, josh, steph and know that they would be my friend even if i was the same jerk as kevin, and i didn’t even have to share the first 16 years of my life with them, just the last few.

adam.

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