I knew it was going to be hell, but all of a sudden I had this urge to work my ass off no matter what kind of job I was doing. I met with the guy, sucked at the interview, and as he told me that he wanted to me to go home and think about why I wanted to get into this field I started to have a small panicky feeling grow in my chest. I asked him what I had said that made him turn me away, he told me I didn’t seem enthusiastic enough for him (no shit, I was going to be a janitor). So I turned on the charm and talked my way into a job, convincing him that I’d be great no matter what I was doing. I felt confident because the job requirements were fairly few; upright, had eyes, and that was about it.

I started that following Monday. Met my friend Andy, who proceeded to train me in all things “Day Porter” (Fancy for janitor). It involved sweeping a small parking garage first thing in the morning, which was nice because it was empty and I could take my time walking from the top of the building to the bottom. Then I had to go clean the window sills and windows in the main walkway of the medical building I was in charge of. Then I could sit.

I started around 7 in the morning, parking garage, walkway, parking lot, check the bathrooms and around 8, go to the property manager’s office and pick up a pager and cell phone. Then I’d walk back to the main building, sweeping a bit, and find my closet and sit and read until around 11 or so. Then I’d have to check the bathrooms again, which took 15-30 minutes, then I’d be back in the closet, sitting on my butt until 12 when I’d take a nice long hour lunch. When lunch was over I’d check the bathrooms again, this time it took less time. So I’d sit in my closet and read again, until around 2:30 or 3, then I’d have to check the bathrooms in the other building, which had nobody in it save for a handful of people, so it’d take me another 15 minutes.

At this point in the day I’d have less than an hour until I got off, so I sat and read. I smoked a lot too, but only when I wasn’t busy doing all these super tasks.

Needless to say, I started looking for a job soon after I got this one that would be better suited to my desire to not sit in a closet, but it took a little while. In the mean time I proved to my boss and the prop. manager how good of a worker I was, which I’m still baffled as to how, I didn’t think anyone could have worked less than I did. But, they liked me, so much that when the company that hired my company decided to go with another cleaning service, one of the contract points was that the new company would have to offer me a job. When my boss found out about this he quickly gave me a promotion and moved me to a building closer to home, yet now I wasn’t working days. Instead I’d have the honor of servicing a giant building from 6pm to 2:30am. And I would now be second in command at this building.

The promotion was nice, I went from having to sit in a closet and actually do work 3 or so hours a day, to sitting in a break room and having to do 1-2 hours of work a night. Plus I got a great 50 cent raise.