i don’t know what’s happening to me. i watched a movie, i’m listening to music, and life is throwing me a weird feeling. i spent last night talking to an old friend. we talked a lot about familiarity, and how it keeps people together. as i sit now, re-reading the conversation (it took place thanks to aol) and the emails that followed, i am assured that i have no idea how to run my life. i know how to drive a car, i know, sort of, how it works. you get in, turn the key, and step on the gas. don’t hit anything, and don’t let the cops see you going too fast (77 is Too Fast). life, though is not as easy. the only way you know if something works is to try it. i know (well, hope) that each time i turn the key, the engine will start, but if i trust a person i once knew so well, will it go good this time? when i hit the “return” button on my keyboard, it sends the message i am typing to josh, i know this because that’s how it works. if you want to have mac and cheese, you read the box. these things have been proven, time and again, to work. now, we as humans don’t have constants, such as heat to boil the water, we do know that a person can change in a minute, all these things that make up humans, make them complicated, make them human, even someone who is ‘simple’ is too complicated for me to understand entirely. i know how i will act in a given situation, like falling and scraping my knee. i can only speculate, maybe say that i know, how i will act if my, or someone i love’s life is in danger. so many things go into each choice, and so many things come out of each choice. by telling the girl at work that i would go to the prom with her, would make a lot happen, the prom wouldn’t be the end. (i said no.) by telling someone “we’ll give it a shot” i’ve set into motion a whole bunch of reactions, by them, by others outside of us, by people i don’t know. hit play on my cd player, and you’ll hear music. ask someone to come to town early, you might see them, you might not. too much for one night.

adam.

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