i’ve never had an issue with crying. no problems with people knowing that i feel. sometimes i recognize that in order for me to feel better, i need to cry. after a week or just a few days that have been very crappy, i need to release something, and it comes out as tears. problem: i can’t cry on cue. tears don’t come without motivation. i haven’t broken up with anyone in the last few years, i haven’t had a death since april, and even then he was so close to me that it hurt a lot (it did, just not as much as others), so what do i do? i’ve found that every time i need to let go, let it all out, anything about john lennon getting killed does wonders. i can’t figure out what it is, but seeing his wife on stage tonight accepting his posthumous lifetime achievement award sent me to tears. the fact that he was at the begging of his third career in music, and cut short makes me very sentimental. his first with the beatles, second without, then he took a break to spend time with sean and was just about to make a comeback, when, on december eighth, nineteen hundred and eighty (forty years and one day after pearl harbor) mark david chapman asked for his autograph, then after he got it, followed him home and shot him. i’ve heard the stories of the cops on the scene, of people watching, the photographer who took the last picture of him, curled up naked next to yoko. and each time, i can’t stop myself. i hear stories of other artists dying, artists that i have been in to also, but the only one that gets me is john. musically, he is probably the closest thing to my hero.

adam.

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