i want to spill my guts tonight. i want to tell my life’s ups and downs. every last detail of my existence is needing to be known. i don’t have many people to talk to at midnight, or five minutes till. right now i’m searching again. like i do every three or four months. why can’t i be satisfied. something needs to change, that’s all i need. i have a lot of beginnings, but no follow throughs. i’m low on cash, but rich beyond necessity. my music is listening. a girl would be nice. some one to–i’m just sitting here trying to think, nothing is coming to my mind. i have lost all creative thought. but if i had a girl, just to hang out with. my life feels empty at some points. maybe i’m not doing everything i should be doing. i haven’t stayed close to my lord. sure, i’m a christian, i’m entitled to my beliefs. i don’t like being labeled a christian though. i’m a person, that’s it. if i were gay, you’d say “good for you” (for some reason). if i were a vegetarian then i’d be welcomed into most circles for being just slightly different, even though a lot of people are “different” in the same way these days. but being a christian, and having the views on the world that i do, makes it hard to know where i stand with others. people at work know that i’m a church boy, and i think i’ve made some good friends despite that. why does the belief that a supreme being exists, the knowledge that he created us then became one of us then loved his creation enough to give us free will and a way to get to Him make me an ignorant person or a bigot? my views on society are skewed from the churches, but mostly the same. i understand things different. i know why i believe the things i do. i don’t hear what my parents said, or the guy standing in front of the church says and decide that they are right. i look at what they’ve told me and figure out how it works. all the basics are covered. i do know that in order to be saved, you must believe in God’s “only begotten son.” and what he did for us. i need to go back to my roots. get to the core of my understanding of this thing i call faith. what have i done for Him?

adam.

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