I haven't been keeping my page as up to date as I'd like. So, as a present to all two of my readers, I'm going to post two of my cheesy post-high-school journal entries from 7 years ago tonight, plus a bit more commentary. If you're new, bare with me. Read to the end and maybe you'll find a nugget in here.
(Note: I've tried to copy exactly from my journal, spelling errors, typography, everything)
3.7.0.I'm (still) reading through "How People Change." I keep being reminded of my foolishness, not just in the above post--although that is a prime example--but even in my current life. But, I just finished a section that reminded me very vividly of this journal I kept. Timothy Lane and Paul Trip point to Philippians 1:3-11 (listen) and ask us to contrast our normal prayers with what Paul prays for, saying that "Your prayers reveal your dreams. In prayer, we tell God what we thing we need. We ask for what we want."
I have a new pen (well 2 new pens)--i enjoy them greatly...now i'm back @ 1256 Ave D. and am starting my new job on 3.9.0. @ 5am doing freight/so early → but more $ to save to get a banjo/car/girlfriend/dog (in that order... maybe switch dog & girlfriend). "Punk Rock Dog" is going to be my dog's name or "Punky" for short → sleep → early morning → i haven't done morning d-voshuns yet...tomorrow...
3.9.0.
watching & waiting - radioland murders - nat to call - but thoughts of A___ → why is she → well it seems hopeless → but the girlwoosintrigues the boy → boy then drives himself crazy w/ ideas of how to gain such a distant heart → anyway i started @ M.Market today → only 2½ weeks @ DQ → i'm ready to get out of there... God seems distant right now even though He just gave me 2 different prayer requests... but it's not Him--it's me pushing Him away w/ a simple habit that i don't want to give up--but i want to give him everything. → good--kirk just informed me that A____ has a b-friend... hard to accept but food for my soul... all the good ones are taken and/or too far away (geographically and mentaly) [picture of a trumpet] elton is going to be here tomorrow--maybe he'll bring me a girl. now who will consume my thoughts? → i want it to be God → when things look up they start to go down then while things are down i need to look up.I should rejoice in my blessings
elton/job/home...
not dwell in my sorrows
God Help Me
i'll never
Teach Me/A Lesson
understand girls!
In Love/Patience
Will i learn?
blindness is a blessing
blind w/o You -- w/o You -- blind leading himself--w/o You--light enters eyes
down down not up-not up
They go on to and make some great points;
When it seems that you are in a losing battle with sin, you can say, I have hope for victory because Christ is working in me right now to complete what he has begun.
...
Life is seldom simple. Growth in God's grace is a process and not an event. Tough things are not going to turn around overnight because you have entrusted them to the Lord. The Bible is honest in its description of how grave and comprehensive our war with sin is. Individuals... don't turn around in a moment. The Bible describes the Christian life as a journey that often takes us through the wilderness. You will get tired and confused. You will have moments when you wonder where God is. You will struggle to see God's promises at work in your life. You will feel that following God has brought you more suffering that blessing... There will be moments when you feel alone and misunderstood. There will be times when you feel like quiting.
[Philippians 1:3-11] is meant to encourage you to be full of hope in the midst of things you don't fully understand.
At that time in my life I thought that being a good Christian was measured by my lack of sin and points I earned from having "morning d-voshuns." I had prayed for a better job and a better (read "cheaper") apartment. Why? Not so I could bless those around me or be a good steward of what God had given me. But, so I could purchase a banjo, a dog, a car, or, apparently, a girlfriend.
Growth for me was gaining one or all of the aforementioned items. Growth was measured by possessions. Growth wasn't "rooted in a love for Christ that is abounding in love and discernment, pure and blameless, and filled with the fruit of righteousness."
I don't feel like I've wrapped everything up here, there's still something hanging. But I'm tired. So, if the two readers I have would like to continue this, you know how to get a hold of me and I'll work on more later.
